tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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