no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
