You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
