Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
