every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
