You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
