you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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