i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
