wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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