I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
