we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
