And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
