i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
