you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
