Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
