i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
