Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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