I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
