Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
