About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i barfeds in our rink
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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