There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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