Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
