Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
