I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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