I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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