Whod you bang
White coat. Heels.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
