wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
