you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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