I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
