i dedicated my morning wood to you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
