She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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