Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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