Me too!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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