Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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