i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
