the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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