He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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