I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
