i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
