i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need water and some morals
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
