My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
