I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
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This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
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Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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