You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
