There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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