Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
