saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
