He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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