I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
