Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
