Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
