I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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