You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
