i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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