I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
