you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
