Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
