doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
