Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
