Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
