mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
