I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
