Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
