K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
