I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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