Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm always down for nudity.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
